Notes from a fledgling coach… on relationship healing

By Nina Gough-Cooper

I’m brand new to GVCA but over the years I’ve become quite masterful in the area of relationship healing in my own life and it’s an area I’d like to expand into my coaching practice to assist others with.┬áThere’s a certain alchemy involved in the process of changing one’s mind, one’s inner landscape, and seeing the transformation in one’s outer world. It is priceless. Specifically in the area of relationship, I can use the example of my marriage: on many occasions over the years when we have had disagreements, these incidences have led me to desire so strongly to heal the differences between us, that I have stopped at nothing to ‘change my mind’ in order to restore peace, harmony and togetherness. In fact, nowadays I take it for granted that if there are any crossed words between us then, no matter how difficult things feel in the moment, I am going to use that situation for my – and our – good, to release some blocks and take a step higher in vibration as I let go of the dead weight of limiting beliefs.

My process is not for everybody, but I can either see the disagreement as a disaster and look at or blame him for his part, or alternatively I can use the circumstances as a useful tool in helping me see what’s going on in my own mind, and where I am out of alignment and am blocked mentally or emotionally. This, for me, is key, as the mental blocks I’m clinging onto which have caused the disagreement – and I take full responsibility as he is a mirror to me and my consciousness – are also going to be holding me back in every other area of life in which I want to live to my fullest potential.

If I’m out of alignment and am instead hanging out in the depths of the lower regions of the emotional scale then I am unable to connect into the truth of myself and of my husband, of us as beings of joy, sharing a great love simply because it is our true nature. Instead it can seem pretty desolate and lonely in those valleys of despair. In those moments I desperately want to return to those good feelings and get back into alignment – to feel myself restored to balance, as if I’m standing atop a montain ridge, soaking up the surroundings from a lofty place of positivity, thoughts high and pure once more.
But in order to get back to the mountain top from the low valley I need to become a super-sleuth, scouring the recesses of my mind, turning over and releasing all that I can in that moment in order to help me shift along that vibrational spectrum, to move out of anger, or fear, or despair and to shift into a better-feeling place.

What this means in a practical sense is using the tool of the humble journal: first setting an intention that ‘I WILL have a shift in my thinking, about myself, about him and about the relationship’, and then diving into the heat of the feelings and uprooting them. Getting it all out of my system, either on paper or – my favourite – ┬áby typing a ‘no-send’ email. Journalling what I am angry about, what I am scared of, what I feel hurt about. Clarity then starts to come as fast as I can type, the shift in emotional state begins and as I start to release that heavy burden of raw emotion and no longer feel so pissed off, I can start to shift focus and write about what I am able to accept about this situation, what I accept about what has happened and what is happening now.

Now I’m gaining momentum and beginning to move into the feeling of ‘I AM supported, the universe really HAS got my back’. Now I can keep on writing and I can name what I appreciate and am grateful for. The loves starts to flow again and the realisation comes.. the simple truth that All is Well and that love is my (and his) true nature. I’m restored to peace once more, and as a bonus I invariably get an insight into some limiting belief that I was holding on to about myself and which has now been released.

As one of my teacher’s, Ernest Holmes, said: “the only time it takes to have a healing is the time it takes to have a realization”, and it can take very little time – with a little concerted effort – to shift gears if one is determined to. This process leads to changes in the outer relationship, as well as in my mind, 100% of the time, so is a very handy tool to have in my alignment-inducing toolkit.

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